Light House Denver – The words parents use with their children can have a significant impact on their growth and development. Parents should be cautious about the language they use. As certain phrases can shape the way children perceive the world and their potential. The book 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do by Amy Morin highlights the importance of how parents speak to their children. Although some may seem harmful phrases. They could inadvertently instill a mindset of victimhood or a belief that success is out of reach.
One of the most damaging things a parent can say is, “We’ll never be able to afford this.” If something the child wants is out of reach financially, it’s important not to express that it’s unattainable forever. Instead, parents can explain how they’re actively managing finances and working towards future goals. For instance, saying, “My dream is to buy a big house for us one day. Right now, we don’t have enough money, but I’m taking online classes to improve my skills and get a promotion at work.” This can help children see that financial goals are a matter of priorities and long-term planning. If a child desires something like a trip to an amusement park but it doesn’t fit within the budget, parents can suggest that they start saving with a jar for spending money, teaching them the value of delayed gratification and budgeting.
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Another harmful phrase is, “You’re making me so angry.” Parents should avoid blaming their children for their emotions. Instead, it’s healthier to say, “I don’t like when you do that,” and then explain why. This helps children understand that their behavior affects others and teaches them empathy. It also shows that emotions are manageable and can be expressed without placing blame. Teaching children to recognize and control their emotions is an important life lesson.
Complaining about work in front of children is another behavior that should be avoided. Saying, “I hate my job,” might seem like a harmless venting session, but children can pick up on this negativity. Research has shown that a parent’s attitude towards life, especially their career, can influence their child’s success, particularly in academic achievement. If children hear their parents expressing dissatisfaction with their jobs, they may grow up believing that adulthood is filled with dissatisfaction. Instead, parents can explain their career choices and challenges in a more constructive way, such as saying, “I’m working on a project that is tough right now, but I’m doing it because it helps our family,” or “My work can be difficult, but it’s something I choose to do because it helps me grow.”
Another phrase to avoid is, “I have to go to the store.” Saying “I have to” implies that the task comes out of obligation, which creates a negative association with everyday responsibilities. It’s better to reframe this by emphasizing choice and responsibility. For example, parents can say, “I don’t really feel like shopping today, but I’m making sure we have enough food for the week,” or “I’m tired. But I promised Grandma we would visit, and I’m keeping my promise.” This helps children understand that life is about choices and responsibilities, not just obligations. It also teaches them the importance of keeping commitments even when it’s not convenient.
Lastly, it’s essential to avoid the phrase, “You’ll never be able to do it.” Parents should not instill doubt in their children by suggesting they are incapable of overcoming challenges. While it’s tempting to step in and solve every problem for a child, it’s more beneficial to let them face challenges and try repeatedly. Instead of saying, “You can’t do this,” parents should offer encouragement, like, “I know this is hard, but if you keep practicing, you’ll get better.” This approach fosters resilience and confidence.
In summary, parents should be mindful of their words because they can shape a child’s mindset and attitude towards life. Words of limitation, frustration, or negativity can harm a child’s development and self-esteem. Instead, parents should aim to use positive, constructive language that teaches their children to overcome challenges, manage their emotions, and understand the value of hard work and responsibility. By doing so, parents help their children develop into mentally strong and resilient individuals.
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